We, as human beings, seem to be having at least two very different experiences in a given moment. In one experience we are coming from wholeness, experiencing a oneness with life, feeling in the flow, alive and connected; where synchronicities are happening all over the place. In another experience we seem to be coming from fragmentation and separation, experiencing disconnection from life, dis-ease inside of us, not in the flow, victim to life, things are not easy, feeling critical, judgmental, unaccepting, wanting things to be different then they are.
One is not better than the other though and each have their role in our lives. Life feels so good in the flow and inevitably something happens that we didn’t want to happen or did not expect and we are out of flow and in fragmentation. That part of us that gets activated has some gift, some truth, some awareness to share with us. It may come in the form of anxiety, sadness, pain, fear and often we can first want to resist it or pretend it isn’t happening but of course this only makes the part more desperate for our attention and hence it gets louder and stronger. So the old ignoring and just focusing on what we do want to have happen doesn’t work a lot of the time. We actually need to be in relationship to this part of us, give it attention and love and allow it to be seen and heard. Through this dialogue we get to understand the needs of a part of ourselves and we get to take care of that part and love it. The part often teaches us something about ourselves and we get to take that gift back into our experience of wholeness but this time at a more expanded level of wholeness. We have brought more of ourselves from the unconscious into conscious and are therefore more aware of who we are.
Some call the wholeness experience your true self and the fragmented experience ego. Some say you need to be your true self and not be in ego or transcend the ego. I feel we need both and both have been given to us for a reason. The shift I empower my clients to facilitate inside their psyche is to transform the roles of the ego parts. Instead of their parts being all about survival and protecting other fragile wounded parts of them from getting hurt, they are all freed to take on their desired roles (once they trust that the compassionate, loving, confident Self is present to take care of the vulnerable parts and once those parts begin to be unburdened from their wounds). The new roles are ones that support the whole system in giving its gifts and living its purpose deeply into the world.
For example the Internal Critic may transform into the Internal Coach. The Skeptic may transform into the Guardian of Truth and now helps you find what you believe in most. The Protector may become the Success Strategist and help you to plan how to live your purpose into the world.
I have found great calmness in the perspective that all the parts of me have a positive intention, even if it doesn’t seem that way. They are all trying to protect me from feeling deep pain. Their strategy may be extreme and not working the way I want in adulthood but when I was young it served me greatly. So now the parts need to be updated that I am an adult and I have inner resources that I didn’t have when I was young. I can love myself, and take care of myself. Like the tides of the ocean and our own breathing, I wish you all a beautiful flow between constrictive fragmentation and expansive wholeness.
